there was never a day i didn't think about you
now the night comes to drown me in regret
and this pain is all i know
and this longing to burn
so leave me here tonight
let me die inside
and be reborn tonight
into someone new
who has forgotten you

I’m beginning to see the sunset on the longest day of my life,
Painted fingertips trace the outlines made by the sky,
Blue.
My earth, my dream,
An illusion of my making.

A deeper shade in the distance,
An angry colour across this sky
I could almost see them as they form.
Passionate.
Elaborate.
Filled with hidden meaning.

Dissipating light paints the buildings outside my window,
Some houses, some homes.
Literally I stand still, hold my breath, and wait.
Here it comes,
A wind to cress me,
A whisper upon my pencil jeans, my cotton tee,
A tease to my troubled skin.
The evaporator of my teardrops,
But not the reliever of my inner ache,
Oh for goodness sake it’s just a wind,
For the sake of what’s good, it’s just the wind…

Now the sun has set on the longest day of my life,
I close the shades, I turn away.
After all, there will be others…



Saturday 3rd may 2009

mother fucker!!
who are you to tell me
how to be....
take two...
steps back and relax
coz i run this shit ...
and no one is taking that from me
so you wanna test the madness
then come with the best
coz this is a war zone
and ur holding nothing son

now take two
steps back let me ask you?
who the fuck be you
telling me how to live?
do you know what the fuck
i've been through?
no you don't now do you
so don't push me to far
coz i got the arsenal in my mind
and i'll blow you from here
to thy kingdom come
don't be a the idiot in the headlines
committing professional suicide
you wanna swim with the sharks
you just a fucking guppy
you don't matter
so know ur role you little
mother fucker running your mouth
all over the place
fucking my name with the he says
she says i lied
truth is people lie
live with it bitch
past is past don't dig it up
coz when i'm through with you
that hole gonna be big enough to bury you.

for those unwilling to understand their past
can never appreciate the future
nor venture to change the future
the struggles of the past
those who are not sympathetic to the
lies told in the past
or the lives lost to condone them
will live in those lies today
the maddness of mengelle
or the lust of borgia
or the depravity of bathory's daughter
will not learn love
for there is saddness in these waters
but the lotus has grown in it
if you do not know the dark secrets of yesterday
how can u ever appreciate today

your name is a nectar to thy lips

only in your shadow i have strength

only in your shadow the storms of the seas

are reduced to breezes that caress my hair

it is the thought of you

that makes these nights pass quickly

for every sunrise

brings my feet closer to the path

that leads to you

in your arms my end is our begining

and in your arms our future is one

oh beloved my heart you have taken from me
i beg of you to return it
it only beats in your name
and i am useless without you

i am useless without you
to breathe is a gift that i am grateful for
but what is breathing if every breath brings a tear
for without you
the sun is cold
and the world dark
i am uselss without you

there is no life in my breathing
no joy in my smile
for in every memory you dance
to lie in this house of tears shall be the end of me
but from this house i am unable to leave
i am useless without you

oh daughter of my dreams
born in impossibility
such spenldour and beauty
but your face shall never see the day
for you are only a memory
fruit of a union
that in reality is a blasphemy
though i would love to hold you
your mother despises me
for i am a memory she would love to erase
for the crimes i committed
for all the pain i have caused her
of her love
she has taken away from me
and i sit here alone
so oh beautiful child of my dreams
you are all i have
so i shall cradle you
and watch you grow in my mind
to be what you desire
while i drift away and die

Bury this with me
tonight as my breath leaves my body
bury this with me
I have done many crimes to you
your name I have dragged with me
to the abyss where I made my home
to the darkness where god seemed
invisible as I drank with the devil
and courted the demons of death
your name was with me
unwelcome company
trapped in a bottle
my demise was a spectacle
magnified by my deeds
bury this with me

A million wrongs can never be forgiven
by a few good deeds

I say this tonight as I meet god
and await her judgment
I credit you for change
all the changes I have made in me
I credit you for them
my breakdown
was partly a love of you
that sent me mad
but from that disintegration
where my soul was scattered
in a million pieces

I found God
I found beauty in the darkness
I embraced it
I became whole
stronger
your love tested me
and I failed
but now I am stronger
and because of you I know that
bury this with me
I will always be different because
of you
I will be crippled
I will be brave
I will be vulnerable
I will be strong
I will be human
you made a man
from a soulless machine